GenevieveSimmonds

but i forgot...

1:39am Saturday morning. I felt like I couldn't go to sleep without sneaking downstairs for one last hang-out with the tree. I've been so sick and I know the tree has to come down tomorrow (it's one of the things that I've been neglecting) and I felt the need to get up and take a last photo.

It's the glow I'll miss, with the friendly little faces of ornaments all over and whatever personalization it got for the year (disco balls!!). We had a great time this year, apart from the sicks, and I'm totally ready to put this one to bed, along with the rest of 2012. xog

2013

welcome.

courage

This video is on the long side, but well worth the watch if you or anyone you love suffers from depression. Important information that should be shared.

 

xog

gratitude: for those with the courage to speak up and out about difficult but critical topics.

nothing but change (haha)

Wherever we are, it is but a stage on the way to somewhere else, and whatever we do, however well we do it, it is only a preparation to do something else that shall be different.
{Robert Louis Stevenson}

Whenever something major changed (schedule-wise, crisis-wise, ANYthing-wise), my motto was: "I don't do well with change". Seriously bad news for a living, breathing human being trying to survive in the world as we know it. I'm now at a time in my life where nothing seems to stay the same for an extended period of time, and I'm learning how to be OK with it. Phew. Quite the process to go through after 34+ years on the planet. Embracing being brand-new, being vulnerable and teachable. So much good stuff, and of course the fear and emotion that goes along with. Change is good.

xog

gratitude: for cherry blossoms, rain that makes our city so green and lush, and the ability to get up and try again.

My Life is Getting Bigger...

Today I'm feeling incredibly grateful for the moment of grace that came to me almost a year ago, allowing me just an ounce of willingness to begin making changes. Today, my life is so full and so full of blessings and little miracles. It's also filled with problems and challenges each and every day that I'm able to approach with a clear head and an open mind.

I'm REALLY excited to get back into scrapbooking. Documenting our life was so joyful for me. It was therapeutic and fun. I'm in love with photos and words and art. That has never left me. It was just supressed and ignored for a while. A straight-forward, creative and simple way for me to do this is to join the Project Life movement. I'm jumping in with both feet.

 

 

I don't have a lot of money, it's really not a secret and I'm not ashamed or embarrassed, nor do I wish I had more. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have a lot of money even if I made more money, if that makes sense? I don't know what to do with it right now, and that's OK. I have peace and love in my heart and in my home and I'm learning the difference between needs and wants. We are not suffering, we are provided with what we need and certainly a lot more. The reason I bring this up is because today I'm able to make better choices about spending money, and I'm able to practice creative things (such as scrapbooking) without investing much. For Project Life I chose to purchase some of the page dividers/protectors because for me, they are integral to keeping the project simple and with clear direction. I need the structure! But that's it. I've got a 12x12 binder album on hand (it had pages in it, so instead of buying a new album, I used some extender posts and took the pages out of the binder album and added them to one of my other post-bound albums), and a ton of paper, cardstock, embellishments and other supplies I can use to fill the pockets. I will also be using jounalling cards created by Nisa. A LOT. She has a digi line with Jessica Sprague called Splended Fiins and the cards will be up in the shop on the 23rd! I used one of them on last week's Dare, and they're going to be an awesome addition to my Project Life...Project! I'm not doing digi...I'm printing these suckers. ReallyreallyREALLY looking forward to getting going.

 

 

Speaking of The Dares, Meghan is back and I couldn't be happier. Love this girl to bits and pieces.

xog

gratitude: for this one day, for 4 hours of art class this afternoon, for my beautiful life.

to live the life:

 

To Live the Life:

 

"To be no cause of grief to anyone.

To be kind to all people and to love them with a pure spirit.

Should opposition or injury happen to us, to bear it, to be as kind as ever can be, and through all, to love the people.   Should calamity exist in the greatest degree, to rejoice, for these things are the gifts and favors of God.

To be silent concerning the faults of others, to pray for them, and to help them, through kindness, to correct their faults.

To look always at the good and not at the bad.  If a man has ten good qualities and one bad one, look at the ten and forget the one. And if a man has ten bad qualities and one good one, to look at the one and forget the ten.

Never to allow ourselves to speak one unkind word about another, even though that other be our enemy.

To do all of our deeds in kindness.

To cut our hearts from ourselves and from the world.

To be humble.

To be servants of each other, and to know that we are less than anyone else.

To be as one soul in many bodies, for the more we love each other, the nearer we shall be to God; but to know that our love, our unity, our obedience must not be by confession, but of reality.

To act with cautiousness and wisdom.

To be truthful.

To be hospitable.

To be reverent.

To be the cause of healing for every sick one,
          a comforter for every sorrowful one,
          a pleasant water for every thirsty one.
          a heavenly table for every hungry one,
          a star to every horizon,
          a light for every lamp,
          a herald to everyone who yearns for the kingdom of God"

`Abdu'l-Bahá

all I have is today.

Today:

Today I will practice gratitude and love.
Today I will have the opportunity for growth <-- growth can be painful. Oh well.
Today I will work on creative things. Something just for me, and something to give away.

Today's gonna be a good day.
xog

 

gratitude: for the ability to look upon my shortcomings and do something about them.

Believe

When things fall apart, the opportunity presents itself to begin to believe.

In 2011, I adopted the word LOVE. I learned about this concept a few years ago as it was made popular by the One Little Word blog. It was suggested to me in 2010 that I try to practice love in everything I did. So I chose the word to focus on for a whole year. I put love into things, and I began to see love and symbols of it all over the place. I fell in love and practiced mindful mantras my mother ingrained in me like "if you want to be loved, be more loving". After a year of practicing giving and receiving love, it's much more a part of my daily life, which is awesome.

My word for 2012 will be BELIEVE. I don't know what will be in store for me, but I'm looking forward to exploring the word and excited to experience whatever it brings in the coming year. Experiencing profound change over the past several months has taught me that with just an ounce of open-mindedness, I never know what will happen, and it might just change my life.

xog

gratitude: for my vision - to be able to look up to the sky everyday and appreciate just how magnificent and beautiful the sky is.

art, love, happiness

Listening to a little Erykah B., live-styles. Hands-down the best show I have ever seen. She has soul and passion, talent and beauty radiating from the stage to enchant the whole room. A very favourite memory. Colleen and I stayed out until 5am that night; hit the gay bar and Denny's after the late show. There is something about seeing a great live show - the music has different meaning afterwards and forever more playing in the house or on the ipod. So that's a little about what I'm hearing right now.

Next: art. Been painting and creating up a storm. Did a little series of 3 for submission to the North Vancouver Community Arts Council Anonymous Art Show. This is my first attempt at submission or showing or anything remotely like that. Getting my feet wet and we'll see where it goes! I have been doing creative things every day. It's literally pouring out of me. Interestingly enough, I thought that sobriety would kill my creativity; that for some reason being out of my head brought me into some sort of parallel creative universe - a whole different plane. Not so. Through all the change that is going on inside me and around me, I seem to be much more in touch with this passion than ever before. And actually doing something about it! Here's a quick detail peek at the 3 pieces I submitted. Apparently at least one will go up in the show, which opens tomorrow evening and runs until December 17. A very neat concept for a gallery show.

Experiencing life, day by day. Allowing myself to love and be loved. Learning so much all the time. Growth and change, I've learned, is uncomfortable and sometimes painful. But the rewards mean more than can be measured. Best times ever with Jax - he is such a fabulous kid-soul. Establishing new relationships with amazing people and repairing and nurturing some that have been around a while. Facing reality and learning how little control I have over the entire universe (shocking, I know). The journey with J is incredible. Laughing and playing and loving and comforting and learning and... really, the list is quite endless.

Life is good.

xog

gratitude: slippers on my feet, hot meals, a warm bed at night, and an abundance of love and light.

giving it up and letting it go

I have always been driven by a powerful, all-consuming sense of self-will. The strength I found in ME... MY ideas, MY way, I knew what was best. For me, but of course also for you. Never one to shy away from a good debate, I would most certainly share my opinions, ideas, thoughts, direction on any given subject with any given subject. And not always by invitation. I would fight until I won, regardless of whether I was right. Somtimes there came a point in the battle where I was alarmed at and fearful of the doubt creeping in, so I would fight harder to save face and win even when I was wrong. That doesn't even make sense. I was so concerned about being right and feeling righteous over another human being and had a sick sense of pride in how strong and mighty I was. I was not always a kind soul.

I was raised in a way that supported this black and white philosophy. Everything has an answer... a RIGHT answer. And it was best if you had the answer. Not having the answer, having to ask for help, not excelling... would bring about the feeling of 'less than'. Less than or equal to weren't good enough for me, in fact the shame and embarassment that ensued was enough to know that I didn't want to feel that way. Ever. Of course I did though.... Who can get through life without being wrong? Ha.

So I'm learning a lot about myself these days. It is a relief to know now that I can do my best every day, and that my best is good enough. I can appreciate all that is good and wonderful and right about my fellow human beings and learn from them and love them and receive love in return. I have learned that I'm not in control of most people, places, things, situations (gasp!) and it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted from all over me - shoulders, head, chest, stomach, heart. My expectations of others and myself are in check, for today. These are things I'm working on. The work happens on a daily basis - first by becoming aware, and then by maintaining a conscious contact with whatever power greater than myself makes the sun come up each morning.

I am earning my own confidence in tiny doses. As much as I am allowed to have, I'll take. For the first time ever in my life, it's real confidence. Not an intelligent brain wrapped up in asshole. There are things I want, and if they're meant to be, they will come to me. I am given the signs and suggestions to do the work that is my part in all of it. The rest of it, I have no control over and no right to say when it should happen or exactly what it should look like. No right at all. God, what a peaceful existence it is.

xog

gratitude: for the three beautiful people - one stranger, one acquaintance, and one great love, who took the time to remind me to smile.